Hey there,

Welcome back. How is your weekend going?

Here’s what I have for you this week:

• One big thing. Everyone wants to be happy. No one can tell you what happiness is. Is this the ultimate paradox?

• You have to check this out. Have you heard of summit syndrome?

• Tools & Tech. Modern Cliffs Notes.

Ready?

1️⃣ ONE BIG THING

What is true happiness?

Everyone wants to be happy.

No one can tell you what true happiness is.

Is this the ultimate paradox?

Let me start with the second point. Give yourself a moment with this question:

What is true happiness?

If you’re like me, the more you think about it, the harder it gets to answer.

Perhaps you listed something: happiness is the first sip of coffee; happiness is a cozy afternoon with a loved one. Or you began your answer with: “That feeling I get when…”. Perhaps you forced a hapless metaphor into service. (I know you didn’t do that. Right?)

Returning to my first point, everyone wants to be happy.

On this, psychologists and philosophers agree. All theories of human behavior place striving toward happiness as life’s primary motivator. The philosopher and mathematician Blaise Pascal said, “All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end.” St. Augustine said, “Every man, whatsoever his condition, desires to be happy.” (We'll just assume these deep thinkers accidentally forgot to mention women.)

Let’s review: the absolute pinnacle of human endeavor is something no one can define. Cool.

If you care about greater happiness, you must care about words and their definitions. (I can feel I’m losing you from way over here. Definitions? Come on, dude. It's Sunday.)

Stick around, and we'll dig into the three reasons why defining happiness is so elusive. You’re going to see yourself in at least one of these.

Defining happiness.

Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that encompasses a range of positive feelings, from contentment to intense joy. It is often associated with positive life experiences, such as achieving goals, spending time with loved ones, or engaging in enjoyable activities. Happiness can also arise spontaneously, without any apparent external cause. This complexity makes happiness a rich and varied experience, unique to each individual.

A positive emotion

Happiness is a positive emotion characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment. It is a state of emotional well-being that often comes with a sense of contentment and a positive outlook on life. Unlike fleeting moments of pleasure, happiness can be a long-term state of being that profoundly impacts our overall well-being. When we experience happiness, we are more likely to feel optimistic, resilient, and connected to others, which enhances our quality of life.

Types of happiness

There are different types of happiness, each contributing to our overall sense of well-being in unique ways.

• Hedonic Happiness: This type of happiness is all about the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. It’s the joy you feel when indulging in your favorite dessert or relaxing on a sunny beach. While these moments are delightful, they are often short-lived.

• Eudaimonic Happiness: In contrast, eudaimonic happiness is derived from having a sense of purpose and meaning in life. It’s the deep satisfaction you get from working towards a significant goal, helping others, or engaging in activities that align with your core values. This type of happiness tends to be more enduring and fulfilling.

• Flow: Flow is a state of complete absorption and engagement in an activity. When you are in flow, you lose track of time and are fully immersed in what you are doing. This state is often accompanied by a sense of happiness and fulfillment, as you are using your skills and talents to their fullest.

Happiness is not a destination.

In last week’s newsletter, Navigating with Ikigai, I talked about the navigational role of the compass. It orients you directionally.

Let’s imagine a happiness compass. It would tell you if you’re on the happiness path. Like the game “hot or cold”, telling you if are “getting warmer”.

But it will never flash: You have arrived! Why? Because permanent, complete happiness is not obtainable.

True happiness is not a destination you can reach and stay forever. It is not a product to find and keep. It is not something you achieve.

Imagine saying, “I will work hard, get a great house, and meet the perfect partner. When I do, I will finally be full (not hungry).” The push to overcome hunger and the drive toward happiness produce, at best, short-term wins.  

Luckily, our happiness compass can tell us if we are getting warmer—if we are getting happier.

Happiness is a byproduct.

We can't find total and lasting happiness because it is a byproduct of other experiences and feelings in life.

Think of the variety of things you say that make you happy. They vary enormously in depth and duration, but they all trigger the same type of feeling that you bundle together and call happiness.

“The cocaine experience is not the kitten-fur experience, which is not the promotion experience,” says Daniel Gilbert, “but all are forms of feelings that occupy different points on a scale of happiness.”

Arthur Brooks goes a step further, claiming it is misleading to say that happiness is a feeling at all. His point is that happiness is merely a word we use to describe a range of similar feelings.

Consider your Thanksgiving feast. When you walk into the house where it is being prepared, a delicious smell fills the air (if your aunt isn’t cooking Brussels sprouts).

“You wouldn’t say that this smell is the dinner. Rather, the smell is evidence of the dinner. And similarly, happy feelings are not happiness; they are evidence of happiness,” explains Brooks.

I'll admit it has taken me quite a while for this idea to fully sink in.

It is worth your time. Because if you want to be happier more often, you will have a hard time if what you are chasing is a smell and you aren’t aware of what is producing the smell.

Rather than chasing the smoke, you need to chase the components of the fire. Valuing happiness as a byproduct of meaningful life experiences and relationships can help avoid the pitfalls of chasing an elusive emotion. This approach leads to various positive outcomes, such as improved mental well-being, better social relationships, and increased cooperation.

The happiness equation.

Oxygen, heat, and fuel are called the fire equation (thank you, SmokeyBear.com). You need all three to create a robust and sustained fire.

According to Arthur Brooks, if you want to be happier over time, you need a blend of these three components of happiness:

• Enjoyment

• Satisfaction

• Purpose

Enjoyment is the most common source of happiness. Within the idea of enjoyment sits pleasure. From a glass of cabernet to a slot machine, pleasure delivers its dose in shallow, short durations. All addictions involve pleasure and its immediate reward system.

The way to elevate pleasure into enjoyment is to do pleasurable activities (1) with others and (2) via experiences that create positive memories.

“To be happier, you should never settle for pleasure but make it into enjoyment," Brooks says. “Enjoyment requires an investment of time and effort. It means forgoing an easy, effortless thrill.”

Satisfaction is the next piece of the puzzle. It comes from accomplishing goals you've worked for. These include studying to get a good grade, working hard to get a promotion, exercising to hit a fitness goal, or saving for a house down payment.

True satisfaction always involves time and effort and often sacrifice.

Chasing satisfaction can be as addictive as pleasure. Why? Because satisfaction is fleeting. Like that turkey dinner, you may feel full for a day, but hunger is just around the corner.

Psychologist Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar calls this the arrival fallacy, which refers to the false belief that attaining a particular goal will lead to long-term happiness. The reality is you will find yourself back at your happiness baseline or even facing an unexpected sense of emptiness (tied to not experiencing the expected happiness).

Purpose is the final source of happiness. Actions aligned with an overarching, compelling direction in life provide unique feelings of happiness. They feel worthwhile, connected to a larger narrative, and have a more significant reason behind them.

For example, you may work hard for a series of promotions. Each will give you temporary satisfaction (recognition, accomplishment). If the promotions all lead to a higher salary than allows you to pay for your children to go to college, this will give you a more profound sense of purpose.

For these reasons, the happiness that stems from purpose is more profound and more durable.

But it is not permanent. True happiness will always be a work in progress. It requires forward motion.

If you want your life to be happier more often, with deeper and longer durations of happiness, you have the beginnings of a road map here.

The smoking equation.

The three parts of the happiness equation—enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose—each produce specific and varied types of positive emotions, which vary in depth and duration.

Here is another of my very fancy drawings of what I mean.

So, what is true happiness? Enjoying memorable experiences with others, gaining that sense of satisfaction from well-earned achievements, and doing things saturated with direction and purpose…

When done in a balanced way, these are the core elements of the fire that produce the smoke we collectively call happiness. This is the happiness equation.

The sequence is: have a memorable experience, feel enjoyment, call it happiness.

If you want a life that is happier more often, with deeper and longer durations of happiness, you have the beginnings of a road map here.

Rather than chasing an ephemeral whiff of happiness down dark alleyways, you can cultivate a life with a balanced blend of enjoyable experiences, satisfaction, and purpose.

Next week we can talk about unhappiness. It will be fun.

That’s all for this week.

With thanks on a Sunday morning,

BONUS CONTENT

This bonus content was added to provide further detail on some topics after this newsletter was distributed. DISCLAIMER: This content was drafted using AI tools (then edited by me).

Cultivating Happiness

Practical strategies for enhancing happiness.

Cultivating happiness is an ongoing journey that requires intentional habits, self-awareness, and a willingness to embrace positive changes in your life. Here are some practical strategies to help you enhance your happiness:

1. Practice Gratitude: Take a few moments each day to reflect on the things you are thankful for. This can be as simple as jotting down three things in a gratitude journal, meditating on positive experiences, or sharing your gratitude with a friend or family member. Recognizing the good in your life can shift your focus from negative emotions to more positive emotions.

2. Engage in Activities that Bring Joy: Make time for hobbies, passions, and creative pursuits that bring you happiness and fulfillment. Whether it’s painting, gardening, or playing a musical instrument, engaging in activities you love can boost your mood and provide a sense of accomplishment.

3. Cultivate Positive Relationships: Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you. Invest time in nurturing these relationships by spending quality time together, communicating openly, and showing appreciation. Positive social connections are a key component of human happiness.

4. Practice Mindfulness: Focus on the present moment and let go of worries about the past or future. Mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, and mindful walking can help you stay present and centered. By being fully engaged in the present moment, you can reduce stress and increase your overall well-being.

5. Take Care of Your Physical Health: Regular exercise, healthy eating, and sufficient sleep are essential for maintaining a positive mood and overall well-being. Physical health and mental health are closely linked, so taking care of your body can significantly impact your happiness.

By incorporating these strategies into your daily routine, you can cultivate a more positive and fulfilling life.

Finding Purpose and Meaning

Finding purpose and meaning in life is a crucial component of true happiness. When you have a clear sense of purpose, your actions feel more worthwhile, and you are more connected to a larger narrative. Here are some ways to discover and pursue meaningful activities:

1. Reflect on Your Values: Take time to think about what truly matters to you. What are your core values and beliefs? Understanding your values can help you identify activities and goals that align with your sense of purpose.

2. Explore Your Passions: What activities make you feel most alive and engaged? Pursuing your passions can lead to a greater sense of fulfillment and authentic happiness. Whether it’s a hobby, a career, or a cause you care about, engaging in activities you are passionate about can provide a deep sense of meaning.

3. Set Meaningful Goals: Identify goals that are not only personally fulfilling but also contribute to the well-being of others. This could be through volunteer work, mentoring, or creating something that benefits your community. Meaningful goals often provide a sense of accomplishment and connection to a larger purpose.

4. Connect with Others: Building strong, positive relationships can enhance your sense of purpose. Surround yourself with people who share your values and passions, and who support your journey towards achieving your goals. Positive relationships can provide encouragement, inspiration, and a sense of belonging.

5. Embrace Lifelong Learning: Continuously seek opportunities to learn and grow. This could be through formal education, reading, attending workshops, or simply exploring new interests. Lifelong learning can keep your mind active, open new possibilities, and contribute to a sense of purpose.

By finding and pursuing activities that provide purpose and meaning, you can achieve a deeper and more enduring sense of happiness.

The Science of Positive Psychology.

The science of happiness, also known as positive psychology, is a field of study that seeks to understand the nature of happiness and how it can be achieved. Researchers in this field explore the various factors that contribute to happiness, including genetics, environment, and personal choices. By studying happiness scientifically, we can develop effective strategies for promoting well-being and improving overall life satisfaction.

A life coach can play a crucial role in supporting individuals as they navigate their personal journeys toward happiness and fulfillment.

Measuring happiness and life satisfaction.

Happiness and life satisfaction can be measured using a variety of tools and techniques. One common approach is self-report measures, such as surveys and questionnaires, which assess an individual’s level of happiness and life satisfaction. These tools allow you to reflect on your own experiences and provide valuable insights into your subjective well-being. Focusing on the positives in your own life can foster contentment and joy, helping you avoid social comparisons and appreciate your unique circumstances.

Some of the most widely used measures include:

• Subjective Happiness Scale: This scale asks individuals to rate their overall happiness and compare it to others. It provides a snapshot of subjective happiness and helps track changes over time. Here is an online version.

• Positive and Negative Affect Schedule (PANAS): This tool measures the extent to which individuals experience positive and negative emotions. By assessing both positive and negative affect, researchers can gain a more comprehensive understanding of a person’s emotional state. I discuss this more in the newsletter The Distractions of Unhappiness. You can take the original PANAS questionnaire here (it takes 1-2 minutes).

• Satisfaction with Life Scale: This scale evaluates an individual’s overall life satisfaction by asking them to reflect on their life as a whole. It helps measure how content people are with their lives and identify areas for improvement. Explore more here.

In addition to self-report measures, the folks in the research department also use physiological measures, such as heart rate and skin conductance, and behavioral measures, such as observational studies of behavior, to assess happiness. These methods provide objective data that complement self-reported experiences.

Overall, the science of happiness is a rapidly growing field that seeks to understand the complex factors that contribute to happiness and well-being. By understanding the nature of happiness and how it can be achieved, you can develop effective strategies for promoting happiness and improving your overall well-being.